Friday, January 20, 2012

The "Strong Stomach==Fat Wallet" trading strategy

Sometime back we had started posting Live how the testosterone charged Luddic trading team was molesting Indian Nifty Futures for personal gain on Twitter (also visible in the sidebar on the blog).

How has that worked for the past 3 months ?
Up about 70% as they poke and paw her.. not bad for 3 chain Smoking dart Throwing Chimps !!

For any skill impaired, chronic losers who read this blog we would advise, firstly, figuring out what this twitter thing is all about, creating an account and finally clicking "follow" the monkeys.

All you need is Intestinal Fortitude and the ability to count upto 20 without removing your shoes.. and trading success can be yours.

Riding on the coated tails of the simians,though a little smelly, would result in the following :

  • Your bowel movements will improve drastically.
  • Your wallet may finally stop looking like a leaky bottom, anorexic, third world child.
  • Your love life may improve owing to increased Libido from successfully fondling Ms.Market.
  • You would also,inadvertently, add to the bananaFund of the Chimps by populating the Dumb money chasing the Primates' momentum *after* they've grabbed the baby.
A note of caution though.. this may not last long as the monkeys are getting fat and bloated on the abundant Bananas (from recent success) and in fact taken to throwing bananas at the Dart board ( and at  female Luddic Research staffers) instead of the Darts as required .. making Market predictions slightly wobbly :( 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Shine On you crazy Diamond

A Nil Ambani has been unable to bask in his trademark awesomeness for a while now. What with all his flunkies(Presidents,VPs etc.) been caught with their pants down trying to corner 2G licenses, floating offshore shells, transferring large funds into dubious other shells, using his family wealth to prop his companies shares through dodgy offshore funds.. all behind our man's innocent back.. but shockingly, some fools are actually insinuating *he* may himself be involved somehow.. the thought !

Adding insult to injury, first the clueless Indian public stopped him from further *unlocking* value in his 29,808 businesses/subsidiaries/shells by not showing any interest in enriching themselves by participating in his growth to the moon.(Overseas Exchanges long been out of bounds for the billionaireBros owing to Myopic accounting and transparency rules that frown upon creativity in books).
Secondly, for incredibly bovine reasons Indian bankers are balking at lending(practically riskless this) to his spawn of blueChips even while he routinely announces mostly Rs.50,000 crore kinds of investments whenever he is asked to step onto a stage at a public function across the Indian countryside.(Foreign banks shied away much earlier as too much hilarity ensued when books of accounts were tabled and the solemnity of the occasion vitiated when Project Finance comically turned into Projected Finance)
Thirdly, this same little bookKeeping issue (actually insignificant in the glorious projected long run of the ADAG)  has been keeping the unimaginative bidders from beating down his door whenever he magnanimously offers them awesome assets on a platter.

A lesser man would have long gone under in these circumstances .. but then Billionaires are no ordinary mortals. So our Cat quickly ran a couple of (half)marathons (and, as usual, somehow managed to clock better times(never officially available) than ordinary mortals who passed by his butt many miles ago).. and got busy planting gameChanging postive spins in Indian media before dawn and looking for honest bankers who understand Projections and Growth rather than old school accounting retards.
Happiness revisits the Empire as the market notes how the Indian cowboy now has far sighted Chinese Bankers partnering in his glorious future.