Tuesday, February 21, 2012

What happened to Gravity ??

4 months have passed since we gave the 3 primates a new set of darts to play with and instructed the back-office staff to enter BUY and SELL orders for NIFTY futures based on where the darts landed.
(Of course it wasn't as simple as it sounds.. intricate maps were drawn on the wall and a Sextant played major role in predicting the future angle of NIFTY Futures )

But the levitating Equity Curve here (as chronicled in the Twitter live feed in the sidebar) begs the question .. Where is the fcuking Gravity ??

Now looking for Insurance Policies on the Chimps' Dart throwing Arms.   :(

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Loudest Stopped Clock..

Till recently, Nouriel Roubini was just another unhappy, funny talking, middling, middle aged middle Eastern, with a large middle, who spent his waking hours prognosticating apocalyptic events with a knowledgeably serious air and sparse hair.

For years he'd been waiting in the rain for the law of probability to catch up with his doomsday fairy tales but his little ship just wasn't coming in.
But he kept pitching away.. rain or sunshine.. Nouriel had a newReel every week.
Katerina, Trade deficits , Alien invasions, Govt spending, Consumer not spending, GWBush coverting Muslim , Housing price decline, Internet causing cancer.. Our man NoReel tried and tested hundreds of imminent reasons for Financial Armageddon 5 days  a week and realized the louder he yelled from higher soap boxes .. the better it worked for his morning hangovers.
And so he kept plugging away while trying not to worry about his diminishing hair and sex life.

And suddenly the US housing market ACTUALLY went into DECLINE !!!!!!!!!


His tide was in and Dr.Doom's face was lit up like a Christmas Tree!
NewReel was his name and Ladies was his game !

Suddenly the World looked around for heroes whoSawItComing.. (At Wall Street ,of course .. nobody saw it coming ) .. and that was where our STOPPED CLOCK quietly scored loudest.

Unequivocally the LOUDEST stopped clock wins.

Though, what the world forgot is that a Stopped Clock remains Stopped and since 2008 ignoring NoReel "stoppedClock" Roubini would have paid off immensely.

When you add up that nobody paid heed to him earlier .. and not heeding him later would have recovered all and more.. begs the Question.. what real purpose does a Stopped Clock serve ?

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Why Fools Multiply fast in Banking..

More than a hundred years a bearded gent called Herbert Spencer noted "The ultimate result of shielding man from the effects of folly is to people the world with fools.”.

Many years later, another bearded(though clueless) gent Benjamin Bernanke, obviously never having heard this, saved every upright bag of  Tripe posing as a well dressed Banker from quick Darwinistic decapitation.
..and the Planet continues to house, feed and pay for them. :(

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Why White Man can't make money in India..

Every shade of white man periodically gets unhinged about "The India Story" and suddenly realizes his lackluster performance in developed markets can only be sexed up quickly by taking his awesome skills to the Third world and taking some money off  them clueless Natives.

These serious looking, serious talking fools can be spotted easily in the Indian metros during every Bull market, as apart from the giant Bulls-Eye painted on their butt, they are uniformly dull :

  • They ONLY "invest" Other People's Money.. no skin in game as THAT would involve faith in own abilities!
  • They are always Salaried or otherwise fixed remuneration to ensure their "investing" or "allocating" (lack of ) skills do NOT have to keep home fires burning.
  •  They mostly are sidelined goats that have realized NOBODY wants them to trade/invest money in any developed markets anymore.
  • Their firms have large near interest free cash to "deploy" and  Emerging Markets looks like what everyone is talking about.. and our clueless "specialist" is quickly called into a meeting where a ticket to Mumbai is urgently arranged ( because Value has Emerged in India you know..).
  • The size of the funds he needs to get working are inversely related to his ability to locate his ass in the dark with both hands.
Thus armed our alpha generating alpha-male hits the ground running and before you know every  Rascal, Rake,wankStain, Politico-Business Scumbag who'd been shooed away from every known source of  finance in the country (even Public Sector Banks for Chrissake !!) .. suddenly finds himself awash with foreign "smart" money liquidity.. FII, P/E, QIP, FDI.. put near any three English alphabets in together and chances are there is whiteManMoney standing behind it. 

Thus it is this suddenly emerging Bull Market .. the white losers of last year are forgotten and no sooner do they slink away to lick their Third world Rupee wounds that a new crop of history impaired Lotharios descend on the country with Bernanke's freshly printed dollar bills to play BULL.

On The Other Hand .. at least they get to look and sound knowledgeable for some time and forget that useless feeling they grown up with .. even if fleetingly.

Friday, January 20, 2012

The "Strong Stomach==Fat Wallet" trading strategy

Sometime back we had started posting Live how the testosterone charged Luddic trading team was molesting Indian Nifty Futures for personal gain on Twitter (also visible in the sidebar on the blog).

How has that worked for the past 3 months ?
Up about 70% as they poke and paw her.. not bad for 3 chain Smoking dart Throwing Chimps !!

For any skill impaired, chronic losers who read this blog we would advise, firstly, figuring out what this twitter thing is all about, creating an account and finally clicking "follow" the monkeys.

All you need is Intestinal Fortitude and the ability to count upto 20 without removing your shoes.. and trading success can be yours.

Riding on the coated tails of the simians,though a little smelly, would result in the following :

  • Your bowel movements will improve drastically.
  • Your wallet may finally stop looking like a leaky bottom, anorexic, third world child.
  • Your love life may improve owing to increased Libido from successfully fondling Ms.Market.
  • You would also,inadvertently, add to the bananaFund of the Chimps by populating the Dumb money chasing the Primates' momentum *after* they've grabbed the baby.
A note of caution though.. this may not last long as the monkeys are getting fat and bloated on the abundant Bananas (from recent success) and in fact taken to throwing bananas at the Dart board ( and at  female Luddic Research staffers) instead of the Darts as required .. making Market predictions slightly wobbly :( 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Shine On you crazy Diamond

A Nil Ambani has been unable to bask in his trademark awesomeness for a while now. What with all his flunkies(Presidents,VPs etc.) been caught with their pants down trying to corner 2G licenses, floating offshore shells, transferring large funds into dubious other shells, using his family wealth to prop his companies shares through dodgy offshore funds.. all behind our man's innocent back.. but shockingly, some fools are actually insinuating *he* may himself be involved somehow.. the thought !

Adding insult to injury, first the clueless Indian public stopped him from further *unlocking* value in his 29,808 businesses/subsidiaries/shells by not showing any interest in enriching themselves by participating in his growth to the moon.(Overseas Exchanges long been out of bounds for the billionaireBros owing to Myopic accounting and transparency rules that frown upon creativity in books).
Secondly, for incredibly bovine reasons Indian bankers are balking at lending(practically riskless this) to his spawn of blueChips even while he routinely announces mostly Rs.50,000 crore kinds of investments whenever he is asked to step onto a stage at a public function across the Indian countryside.(Foreign banks shied away much earlier as too much hilarity ensued when books of accounts were tabled and the solemnity of the occasion vitiated when Project Finance comically turned into Projected Finance)
Thirdly, this same little bookKeeping issue (actually insignificant in the glorious projected long run of the ADAG)  has been keeping the unimaginative bidders from beating down his door whenever he magnanimously offers them awesome assets on a platter.

A lesser man would have long gone under in these circumstances .. but then Billionaires are no ordinary mortals. So our Cat quickly ran a couple of (half)marathons (and, as usual, somehow managed to clock better times(never officially available) than ordinary mortals who passed by his butt many miles ago).. and got busy planting gameChanging postive spins in Indian media before dawn and looking for honest bankers who understand Projections and Growth rather than old school accounting retards.
Happiness revisits the Empire as the market notes how the Indian cowboy now has far sighted Chinese Bankers partnering in his glorious future.